“Writing Java was like watching a three-legged dog. You know he's going to get where he wants to go, but it's just really sad to watch.”

This one amused me...

            protected
            void On_DayLoad(object sender,
EventArgs e) {

  Beverage coffee = new Beverage("coffee");

  coffee.Add(Beverage.Sweetener.Sugar);

  coffee.Cream = false;

  Cup mug = new Cup();

  mug.Add(coffee);

  Me.Consume(mug);

  mug.Dispose();

}

Of course, you could argue that the hard-coded string in the Beverage class constructor is bad design, but it’s only a joke eh?

This one is an old one, but I liked the variation of answer...

Question: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

Answer 1: None, it's a hardware issue

Answer 2: A properly designed light bulb object would inherit a Change() method from a generic base Lighting class, so all you'd have to do is send a light bulb change message

"I have always wished for my computer to be as easy to use as my telephone; my wish has come true because I can no longer figure out how to use my telephone."

Danish computer scientist Bjarne Stroustrup

Of course, we professional programmers never make mistakes, ahem. That’s why we never need to use debuggers, ahem.

Well suspend belief for a moment, and assume that I had a bug in the code I was developing. You know the feeling, you stare at it, you write unit tests, you stare at it some more, and still can’t work out why on earth Visual Studio is claiming that there is an error in your code, when it’s so obvious that there isn’t. You even get to the point of talking to your computer, pointing out the error of its ways.

Eventually, you spot the mistake. Once you’ve seen it, it was so blindingly obvious that you can only offer a silent prayer of thanks that no-one else was in the room at the time. You change that one tiny typo, and suddenly Visual Studio stops complaining about your code and it all runs correctly.

Just as you sit back relieved, you notice your computer smirking. I’m certain mine just laughed at me. It did it quietly, but I noticed. It hates me.